I miss you both.
You have both impacted my life in so many ways.
Grammy, I know that your in a better place, and maybe that is why I should be happy for you 100 %, but honestly, I don’t know. Mostly, I think it is guilt that my life in the past 15 years was filled with blindness, ignorance, and taking you and life itself for granted. I had blinders on and was only focused on my immediate family and the problems at the time. I forgot about you, all that you taught me, all that you meant to me, and I’m sorry. I’m glad that mom and I could see you last month before you left us to see God. I’m grateful that he gave us that opportunity. you will always be my Grammy and God’s right hand woman, and I love you.
Dad, I’m sorry that I didn’t [ick up the phone when you called. I was between scared to believe that you really wanted to talk to me and angry. Angry because you never seemed to care about me or my kids. After 20 years of trying to get you to pay attention and love me, love my girls, why did I think that you would change. I honestly didn’t really believe that you were dying. You always seemed to invincible. Why couldn’t you love me and my girls? Why were we not enough? Sometimes, I wish that I could back to that moment when you called me just a few months before you died, and pick up the phone so I could ask you these questions and hear you tell me that you do love me and always have.
Maybe your in heaven with God and Grammy, and then I can ask you.