The Letter

On Saturday I was trying to figure out what story to submit to my friend Tony’s website. for what seemed like hours I sat staring at the space known as a computer screen. As I sat there I began thinking about the near future, the near future in fact. Sunday would be the day that I would go to my first Danny Gokey concert. Even better, I paid extra to participate in a meet and greet.

Maybe it was a mixture of nervousness and excitement that prompted me to write the following; honestly, I don’t know, but I don’t believe that it matters what prompted me, it is more that I wrote it and passed it on.

This is what I wrote:

(Saturday April 9, 2016)

I sit here, not alone, but feeling it at times. Although, he sits across from me, sometimes, it’s as if he isn’t here.

It’s late. I should be heading to bed, but there is too much to do. Too much that still needs to be done before tomorrow at 3.

Three o’clock is when I leave. Nervously leave to a place that offers hope, warmth and inspiration. Although, these three items are at the top of the list, there is however, those I dare not think of; fear and anxiety.

For these items, I am here writing this story. This letter. It began as a thought. A thought inspired by music. Music that touched the deepest part of my heart. It is the music that lures me to leave tomorrow at three. Three o’clock is where it will all begin. Thoughts and feelings, like a time lapse coursing throughout my body.

Beside me is a gift. Is it wrapped or in a bag, you ask? My answer can only be for you to wait until my return to find out. I can however tell you what the gift is.

It is a story. A story written by me during a dark time in my life. I decided last month when I found out about tomorrow night, that I would give this story to him. He needs to know how much his music impacts me and others. I want him to know that I feel through his song that this story needs to get out.

I never really thought much about that story, not as much as I do now. Maybe it’s not that I didn’t think about it much, but that I perceived it in a different way. His one song, that one line; a bolt of lightning through my mind. Reminding me of a scene in my story from class.

How is it that a line and a theme from a story became so much more? How does the story and song connect? It is as I said before, this story is meant for more than a prequel to a future novel. It is more than another romance drama with a twist.

It is a story and a song meant to reach the hearts of those suffering. Suffering in sadness. In darkness. No one can tell. No one sees what lies on the inside, unless they have been to this dark place. That is why this story must be told. Why he wrote this song, I’m sure.

My plan is to give him a copy of the story. I won’t tell him about the scene, or the theme. As hard as it will be, I mustn’t. Then again, will it really be that hard not to tell, as I know my hands will tremble and the butterflies will be soaring.

If I could also write a letter and give it to him, I would. Would you like to know what it would say? Yes, I think that you would like that very much.

Here we go:

Mr. G_____,

What your songs mean to me. What I see and or feel when I hear these following songs.

“More than you think I am” makes me think of Jesus. I imagine Jesus standing in front of me talking with me. Trying to clear away the confusion and doubts inside of me. He tells me about all of the false prophets that are in the world. How some mix his way with the world’s way. Others mix his way with their own mindset. The conversation goes on for a few minutes more and he leaves just after he embraces me. An embrace that I’ve waited my whole life for. I feel empowered with my new found knowledge. The discernment I’ve been praying for is here. I will be wise and careful about who’s preaching I adhere to. Now, I will be better able to discern the wolves from the sheep. I feel grounded.

“Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” Simply put, this song can be for those who have been jaded by love. They do not wish to love again. Once was enough for them, so they journey through different doors. Different beds. Never settling down. One day they will find someone who makes them feel again, however, they still can’t bring themselves to fully open their heart to anyone. For me, I think of someone close to me. He loves me, I know, but he can’t allow his heart to open. Sometimes, I hear this song and think of him. My heart breaks at what may never be.

“Hope in front of me” This song is a song of hope and encouragement for me. There are times that I’m in a dark place when this song comes on, and then within a few lines or so, I’m starting to feel better. Knowing that this song is meant to tell those listening that there is still hope in this world. That Jesus is the light the songwriter is referring to is what stays with me. I feel as if Jesus placed these words into your heart. Maybe he spoke to you as he did with Moses. The first couple lines are similar to my experience with depression. One line in your song that reminds me or is similar to a story that I wrote in school last year is, “There’s a light I can see it.” The next line: “There’s a hand still holding me, even when I don’t believe it” Although, I don’t physically feel God or Jesus holding my hand, I tell myself that he is carrying me through this trial. “I might be down, but I’m not dead. There’s better days still up ahead.” I see this as a reminder to not give in to the dark and sadness, and not give up. God is here. My life is not over, even if it feels that way.

I thank God for the gift that he has placed in you, Mr. G____.

J.J.

A fan from New Hampshire.

That is what I would say, what I would give, tomorrow night at 5:30 when I come face to face with Mr. G____. If only I was brave enough. If only I felt it was allowed. Maybe I could hold this with my story. Wait to see if a sign is given to let me know it’ll be alright.

Today, April 12, 2016, I tell you my readers that Sunday was amazing. Front row seats and the meet and greet went off without a hitch. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine anything more amazing, from the meet and greet to the moment I left, and everything in between. Hearing his music on the radio and on cd is inspiring, encouraging, uplifting, and yes, amazing. I knew that it would be even better live, but honestly, I did not expect it to impact me so; to touch my heart the way that it did.

Would I change anything about that night? Absolutely, not! Well, maybe one thing. Maybe try to talk to him a little more when I met him. Explain to him how much his music has impacted me, my life and my writing. Although, I couldn’t explain all of that to him, not just because of my nervousness, but because there were others waiting to meet him and get a photo with him. I admit that I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to give him the gifts that I had for him. Three gifts is what I brought to the concert, what I left with is a lifetime of memories.

Before I end my chat with today, I will tell you what the gifts are. I made a t-shirt for him with the title of one of his songs on the front of it, my short story from last year, and the above letter. He was very polite and gracious. Again, it was an amazing night, and possibly the night that has now become one of the best nights of my life.

Thank you Danny Gokey!

 

 

 

 

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About jazzyjenness

I'm the mother of three girls, a Grammy to two little girls, a girlfriend and we have a cat with many nick names, depending on his mood and activity, or lack thereof. I've been writing since I was about 8 or 9, and it is something that I love to do. When we read books, we do it for entertainment, escape, and education; the three E's. These are also the reasons why I write, to entertain, educate and escape. My desire is not just to do what I love, but I want to give hope and inspiration to others through my stories. Currently, I am working on obtaining my Master's degree in Creative Writing and hope to also become an instructor at my school one day and teach Fiction Workshop.
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2 Responses to The Letter

  1. Janis says:

    Beautiful, JJ!
    You are such a blessing to me and to others!
    How gracious our Lord is to have blessed me with you as my daughter.
    Love you, dear!

    Like

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