During this time of silence and inhaling of life, I began reflecting on all of the times that we have spent together. Our first kiss, our talks, our first time making love; they were simply amazing. He was everything that I had ever wanted, dreamed of, and now realized that I needed in my life. Kelly Clarkson’s song, “A Moment like This”, played in my head as my thoughts, feelings, and the night seeped deeper into my being. At this moment, I was the luckiest woman in the world.
Moments passed like clouds rolling through the sky, and still, there we stood in silence. Duncan was right. It can be good to just sit back or stand in our case; and take everything in, to be still. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. I became a little restless inside and couldn’t control it any longer.
“I should probably get back inside and check on Matt and my mom,” I told Duncan, pulling away from him.
“I am sure they are fine.”
“Maybe, but I would feel better if I checked. Plus, it is getting late and we have a long day ahead of us. That is if you still want to help us.” I replied, looking down at the ground.
“Of course, I do. What makes you think that I wouldn’t want to help?”
Once again, Duncan turned me towards him and lifted my chin.
“Nothing, I am just being stupid again.” I tried to lower my chin back down, but he kept it up there.
“Don’t say that. You are not stupid.”
“Maybe not, but I think, say, and do stupid things.” I pouted softly looking away from his gaze.
Maybe I had soaked too much of life in. I felt very weak, vulnerable, and mixed up.
“Everyone does. Please, don’t put yourself down like that. I wish that you would have more confidence and faith in yourself like I do.”
“But, why do you? Did you ever think that Matt was right about what he said earlier?”
“I do because I love you. It just comes naturally. To answer your question, no, I don’t think that Matt was right. Never mind the fact that he was kidding around. I know exactly what I am doing and I am not going to second guess it or allow anyone else to.” A tear fell from his eye.
“Please, don’t cry. I am sorry for upsetting you.” I caressed the tear as it reached his chin.
He cupped my hand in his and said, “I am not upset. I just wish that you would believe that I do love you, that you deserve love, and that you can love. I just don’t know how to get you to believe that.”
“I do know that you love me. It’s just hard for me. I can’t explain it. I want to, but I can’t. I want to let you in, it’s just…”
“Just what; explain it to me and let me help you.”
“Don’t you see I can’t? I wish with all my heart that I could explain it; but I just can’t, at least not right now. Most of all, I wish that I didn’t always ruin things.”
The Next day:
(Forever by KISS)
A dream of a wedding by the sea filled my head along with the sounds of laughter and cheer. Duncan was dressed in a black Armani tuxedo and his hair just barely pulled back with a smile so bright, that I just can’t describe. He seemed to be waiting for someone. Then in a flash, there I was. Standing down at the end of a long lace runner, in a champagne ball gown with a sweetheart neckline, Swarovski crystal beads embroidered throughout the bodice, curved Basque waist, and semi-cathedral train. Pearls and ¼ cut diamonds embedded a crystal crown attached to a long satin veil that rested on my head. My hair loosely curled and pulled lightly in the back and held up by jeweled pins with one loose curl that hung on either side of my face. Resting on my chest was a Swarovski Butterflies frontal necklace, which matched the Austrian crystal and faux pearl earrings and bracelet that I wore. Clothed on my hands were a pair of satin gloves that stretched halfway up my arm. My bouquet of white roses; lilacs; and pink tinged orchids; was accented by the garlands of white roses and lilacs that wrapped around six pillars (three on each side, cast iron candle holder at each end of runner- look at music notebook for diagram)that stood in between each row of seats. An orchestra began to play as I stepped slowly down the runner. I had never seen Duncan so elated. He was absolutely glowing and, so was I. Instead of doing traditional vows, we had decided to express ourselves with a song. It was beautiful. Our voices were like one.
Just as the minister was about to announce that we were married, I heard a loud noise coming from somewhere off in the distance.
“Vicki, stay with me. “Duncan pleaded as he tried holding onto my hand.
“I can’t something is pulling me. Help me.” I cried as his hands slipped from mine and I was gone.
I opened my eyes to see that I was back in the hotel room and someone was knocking on the door. Oh, my! What a dream. It seemed so real. I can still feel the ocean breeze on my skin and the touch of Duncan’s skin on mine.
Oh, yeah. The door.
“Duncan, I am so glad that you are back. I just had the most amazing dream.” I called out as I headed to the door, began to open it then continued saying, “You will never guess…” I stopped dead in my tracks.
“I’ll never guess what, sweet stuff.”
“LUKE!” I screamed.